Most people on dating apps share a common goal: To go on a date

Most people on dating apps share a common goal: To go on a date

Third, let’s assume that your goal here is to go on a date with a potential for future romance, and not a quick hookup or to make a new friend

Sadly, many people are clueless about the best way to get your online crush on an offline date. Luckily, I know a thing or two about transition from a dating app, to texting, to a first date. It’s not rocket science, and honestly, the hardest part is getting people to respond. Once you’ve done that, it’s a lot easier than you think to transition offline. So, here’s how I do it. I think this approach would work for you too:

Transitioning from the Dating app

This part of the post is going to make three assumptions. First, that anyone regardless of their gender or sexual orientation can and should initiate transitioning from a dating app or website to another mode of communication. Don’t wait for them to initiate because of some outdated (probably gendered) rule, fortune favors the bold. Second, let’s assume that you want to transition from a dating app to communicating by telephone prior to a date. If you don’t want to do that, the advice still applies for the most part, just do all the steps on the app itself. If you do want to transition from a dating app to, let’s say email, this advice applies too, just swap out “phone” for “email address”. Some of the advice might apply for both of these scenarios, but a lot of it won’t. If you want specific advice for transitioning offline when your goal is hooking up, making friends, or something else, you can always email me or DM me on Twitter.

  1. Establish attraction and screen them. In those first few messages, your goal should be to try to get a read on the person you’re messaging. If you get a bad read on a person, trust your instincts. Whatever initially attracted you to their profile and their pictures, now’s the time to confirm that attraction and build on it. Or, figure out if you read them completely wrong. You’ve probably got some immediate deal-breakers, so now is the time to figure out if they make the cut. Also, make sure that you clear their deal-breakers. I’ve been on a few dates with women who, only while on the date, revealed that something about me was a deal-breaker, whether that was religion, my ethnicity, education, or career. Besides that, just try to establish a basic comfort level when communicating with them. If they can’t hold a conversation with you over a dating app, odds are good that they won’t be able to have one with you over text*.
  2. Make sure your conversation is progressing. There are lots of people out there who will message you after matching, and keep responding to your messages, with no real desire to ever actually meet you. Take for example the bizarre exchange between Michael Che and Leah McSweeney. Opinions on his texting etiquette, or her saying that some men “look gay” as a pejorative aside, their conversations can tell you a lot. Che responds to McSweeney even though I’m sure that at least after the first exchange, he’d already decided that he wasn’t going to meet her. (Probably because she’s the sort of garbage human who uses “gay” as a pejorative). If your conversations on dating apps seem to have the same sort of feel as the conversation in that article, with lots of back and forth that doesn’t seem to progress, transitioning to texting might be pointless. If your conversation seems to build in a coherent way, consider transitioning to texting. If you’re unclear on what conversation progression looks like so here’s a basic idea of what a conversation that progresses looks like: You mention a topic. You both talk about that topic using more than just one word answers. You ask about something related. You both talk about that topic using more than just one word answers. Rinse and repeat.
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